These Shoes...

Monday, December 15, 2008 at 8:51pm

"My shoes are too tight, and I have forgotten how to dance."

“Excuse me?”

“Something my father said. He was old, very old at the time. I went into his room, and he was sitting alone in the dark, crying. So I asked him what was wrong and he said, ‘My shoes are too tight, but it doesn’t matter, because I have forgotten how to dance’. I never understood what that meant until now. My shoes are too tight and I have forgotten how to dance.” - J. M. Straczynski

Sometimes we become so wrapped up in the trappings of life that we actually forget how to live. We allow our fears to dictate our actions and in-so-doing we begin to react to situations instead of taking decisive action.

"It is better to be boldly decisive and risk being wrong than to agonize at length and be right too late." - Marilyn Kennedy

I am often reminded of the popular legend associated with Juan Ponce de León. His long and futile search for the fabled 'Fountain of Youth' to cure his aging ultimately cost him many years of his life. In the truest sense of irony he gave up the very thing he held precious in a vain attempt to keep it.

And now, a thought...

I wake up in the morning and go through the motions. I shower. I eat. I dress. What I do is mostly irrelevant; my mind devoting the bare minimum to the tasks at hand. Instead I am consumed by the seemingly insurmountable dilemmas of the modern era...

Did I forget anything? That's right, I have that meeting later today in the afternoon. I promised to call someone back but it's been over a week now. I forgot to take out the trash yesterday. I have to send the money in for the insurance. I can't go because of an appointment in the afternoon. Isn't it my turn to lead the discussion in today's class? I wonder if she will want to...Do they really think I...I can't believe it didn't...

Questions overlap and vie for my attention. Too many thoughts. Too many worries. Yet as I sit there in the dark, head resting in my hands my gaze suddenly focuses on some obscure shadow against the wall.

My running shoes.

I slightly exhale from exhaustion as I reach toward them and carefully place them down by my feet. Just like that my mind rids itself of the trash and is cleared of the useless clutter. I breath in a little deeper and feel the beginnings of a swell within my limbs as I think...

These shoes...

These shoes have carried me so far. I have run away from pain and frustration. I have run towards goals and salvation. I have run for my loved ones and I have run for myself. I have run at 4 in the morning before a full day's work. I have run at 7 in the morning after a long night's adventure. I have run for 30 seconds before pulling up short from the pain, and I have run 27 hours straight to cover over 100 miles. No matter where I have run, regardless of the destination and no matter the reason...these shoes have carried me there.

"We are different, in essence, from other men. If you want to win something, run 100 meters. If you want to experience something, run a marathon." - Emil Zatopek

The wistful remembrance recedes as I exhale with contentment. No longer subsumed by my previous concerns I settle my mind on the task at hand. Much like the warrior girding himself for battle I lace my shoes with practiced precision to ensure they will securely hold my feet without cutting off the necessary circulation of blood for a run that could last well over two hours. Content with their feel I confidently stride out the door onto a path that has no predestined end. For with these shoes...

With these shoes I will travel. With these shoes I will explore the road that lies ahead. With these shoes I will discover the true path. With these shoes I will lead by example. With these shoes I will conquer. With these shoes I will speak louder than any words could ever express. With these shoes I will go further, run farther, than anyone previously dared thought possible. With these shoes...I will change the world.

"The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say." - J.R.R. Tolkien

The world passes by in a blur of vision and sound. I savor each moment as I soak in the essence of every stride I take. Sure, it sounds like existential nonsense, and why not? You have not experienced the sensation of running like I have. You do not know. You cannot know; but I was there, in these shoes...

In these shoes I will reclaim my life. In these shoes I will remember the future and forge the present. In these shoes I will redefine the impossible. In these shoes I will see the world. In these shoes I will live life's sweetest breath. In these shoes...I will fall.

"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go." - T.S. Eliot

The miles I have left behind pale when compared to the countless miles before me. The hours have passed without remark and have led me to the breaking point. Body broken on a dark and lonely road the fires in my heart have extinguished with the onset of the bitter cold night. The will, the desire is there, but my body can no longer take me there. My blistered feet, swollen with the pounding of innumerable steps try to push forward in vain. Laying there beneath a starry-sky my breath mists one final time as I exhale and recall the beginning of my journey in these shoes...

"It's at the borders of pain and suffering that the men are separated from the boys." - Emil Zatopek

These shoes have served me well. These shoes have carried me across muddy rivers and moonlit trails. These shoes have taken me to the mountain summit and ocean shore. These shoes have born witness to my trek across the vast continents. These shoes have weathered the storm and stood the test of time. These shoes have suffered with every step I took. These shoes have witnessed me fall to the floor, and these shoes have pushed me to my feet time and again.

So many years. The miles I have run, the places I have seen, the journeys I have taken part of will forever hold dear to my heart. Every memory a lifetime to relive in moments of reflection. Each run an adventure with its own story to tell. The time spent reminiscing only serves to strengthen the bond I have with this unique and fulfilling practice. There will come a day when I will lay my shoes beside my feet and wonder at the marvels of my life's achievements. I am confident that when the time comes for me to forever put my shoes away the responsibility will be passed unto another to carry the tale to some new horizon. That day is not this day. This day I will run, and remember how to dance.

"Those who say that I will lose and am finished will have to run over my body to beat me." - Said Aouita

Twilight draws upon us at the end of days. Each of our lives a flame that flickers with the winds of time. Choice and fate are intertwined to the core of our beings and yet we forever cry out blind to the darkness. If you could only see the light within yourself; the world not as what is, but what it could be. And so I will end as I began, with a quote and a thought. I ask that you reflect upon your own life's journey and ask if these words ring true in your ears at the end of the day as they always should.

"Today I gave all I had. What I've kept, is lost forever."

- and -

"Become something greater than you are." - Me