Any Given Saturday...

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 9:34pm

On any given Saturday, nations wake up in the millions to prepare for the glories of the day to come. From August to December, Saturdays are sacrosanct. If Sundays are reserved for rest, reflection, and religion, then Saturdays are proud paragons of people partaking in the prized past-time that is college football. History. Tradition. Rivalry. Monumental victories and shocking defeats. It's more than the players with their athletic ability and acrobatic performances. More than the coaches with their quirks, faux pas, and mannerisms. More even than the innumerable fans whose roars fill stadiums across the country. It is, simply, the game. The legacies of over one hundred years of storied programs and sixty minutes of roller-coaster scores and emotions. We live for Saturday.

On any given Saturday, no one is safe. Pre-season rankings are worth less than Zimbabwean dollars. People talk of parity in the game. Well there is no game that has more equality than college football. Give me any team. On any field. On any day. All it takes is one play. One first down. One inch. One touch down. One player. At the end of the day the rankings don't matter. Teams are motivated by pride, respect, revenge. Players are motivated by their coaches, their fans, their families. Every game is a playoff game. Upset lives on Saturday.

On any given Saturday, a hero can fall. People who are barely into the early years of adulthood stand as gargantuan giants in our smitten eyes. We rally, cheer, and yes, even worship our college football heroes. Yet even heroes fall. A torn ligament, twisted knee, shattered bone, or blow to the head can remove our heroes from the game. Yet despite the trials and travesties that befall our favorite players, they endure. They seek the best medical attention, train harder than anyone else to get back to who they are, and return to us a hero reborn. Hope lives on Saturday.

On any given Saturday, Championship seasons are validated. At the end of the season when we look back on all of the great games, tackles, break-out plays and jaw-dropping moments, we oft-times forget to understand where the turning point was. How did one team not make it to that January bowl game? What was it that led this particular team into the national championship game? We need to remember that every game plays its part. One blocked kick, and a number one team stumbles out of the race. One last-second catch, and another team jumps into contention. Every team. Every game. Every play. National glory lives on Saturday.

Below are a list of some of the best quotes there are about football. After each quote I've tried to include something relevant to this admittedly early 2009 college football season.

The college football season is like a nuclear war: there are no winners, only survivors.
Within the first four weeks of this college football season no less than 10 top 10 teams have fallen to opponents. Ten teams in four weeks. That's competitive parity for you.

Football is only a game. Spiritual things are eternal. Nevertheless, Beat Texas. - Seen on a church sign in Arkansas prior to the 1969 game.
I don't care who you are, college football is a religion. It transcends most logical reasoning, but literally hundreds upon hundreds of thousands of fans bleed their school colors week in and week out in order to cheer for their football teams. Passion personified.

After you retire, there’s only one big event left….and I ain’t ready for that. - Bobby Bowden / Florida State
As crazy of an old man as Bobby Bowden is, he is one of the greatest living coaches in college football. He's seen decades of teams, players, championships and seasons. Seasoned, is the word for Bobby Bowden. Entrenched veteran of the trenches. The man will coach three years after they stick him in the ground.

When you win, nothing hurts. - Joe Namath / Alabama
Ask Jimmy Clausen, who continued playing to lead the Fighting Irish to victory over Michigan State after tearing a ligament in his big toe. Ask true freshmen quarterback Matt Barkley of the USC trojans who played with an injured throwing shoulder to lead the game-winning scoring drive over the Ohio State Buckeyes. At the Horsehoe. At night. On national television. Winning is the best pain-reliever.

There’s nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you. - Woody Hayes / Ohio State
Ask Oklahoma after losing to BYU in the opening week of the season. Think they don't have a chip on their shoulder? They are hungry for the chance to beat Texas and leap frog into the national title race. How about the University of Miami? The U just took a painful lesson in defeat at the hands of Virginia Tech. Two one-loss teams with something to prove, playing for supremacy in an upcoming game. Ladies and gentlemen, they couldn't script this stuff any better.

You can learn more character on the two-yard line than anywhere else in life. - Paul Dietzel / LSU
Ask current LSU coach Les Miles. He sits at #4 in the AP poll this week instead of being the fifth team in the top ten to lose. How did they win? With a goal-line stand at the one-yard line against the Mississippi State Bulldogs. You don't have to win pretty, so long as you win. Again, it's about survival.

I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him to quit in practice, not in a game. - Bear Bryant / Alabama
Good old Rich Rodriguez of the University of Michigan. He took a lot of crap coming into Big Blue and winning just three games last year. Over the off-season, some disgruntled players started leaking how he was breaking NCAA rules by making his players work too hard. Players working too hard? Give me a break. Athletes who complain about tough practices need to be broken in, and broken early. Now he sits undefeated with the makings of a BCS contender. The man should be wearing a shirt that reads: how you like me now? Speaking of hard practices, ask Gary Barnett, who actually had to sit and listen to parents complain about their sons' practices being too hard. Excuse me? This isn't the powder-puff league. This is division I college football boys and girls. Poor guy is dealing with a bunch of pansies. No one at that program should wonder why they have a losing record going into tough conference play in the next few weeks.

Always remember…Goliath was a 40 point favorite over David. - Shug Jordan/ Auburn
There are no upsets in college football. Because everyone can lose. Anyone can win. Just because so-called 'experts' say a game should play out a certain way, doesn't mean it should be a foregone conclusion. More teams have suffered season-ending losses by overlooking someone they were 'supposed' to beat easily.

Show me a good and gracious loser, and I’ll show you a failure. - Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
I hate Lane Kiffin. The man is not fiery, he's needy. He's not angry in defeat, he's petulant. It's like having a spoiled nine-year old throw a tantrum for getting everything he deserved and nothing he wanted. He is one of those people I really would enjoy watching suffer through physical agony. Inexplicably, Lane Kiffin's only redeeming quality is his beautiful wife. Congratulations Lane, you snagged a great wife, some great recruits, oh, but the job you were hired to do, you suck at. Again.

If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education. - Murray Warmath / Minnesota
Of all the big-conference teams, there is only one still without a win so far in the season. That's right, the Virginia Cavaliers are 0-3 after losing to the powerhouse of C-USA Southern Mississippi, and, even better, Bowl sub-division team William & Mary. Folks, this was supposed to be the EASY part of Virginia's schedule. It's going to be a long season.

The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. To be a back, you only have to be dumb. - Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
This is more of a "haha, I'm laughing because I sympathize" more than a sarcastic remark, but my heart has to go out to USC running back Stafon Johnson, who while weight training with his teammates had the bench-press bar slip and partially crush his throat. He needed immediate surgery, and thankfully he'll make a full recovery. Bench-pressing is considered one of the safest weight-lifting exercises that an athlete can do, especially with a spotter, which Johnson had. I'm just lucky that he'll be able to look back on this incident in a few years and laugh at himself about it.

It isn’t necessary to see a good tackle. You can hear it. - Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
If you've ever been to a game with a good tackle you've heard it. The entire stadium feels it, lives it. And every time it's played on the jumbotron, you hear it again. Or you can just be sucker-punched after the game like Oregon running back Legarrette Blount did to Boise State player Brian Hoyt.

I’ve found that prayers work best when you have big players. - Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
Everyone always talks about how amazing this quarterback is, or how fast that running back. I guarantee you a team's offense is only as good as its offensive line. Any average quarterback can be good behind a strong offensive line. Just look at teams like USC, Texas Tech, Georgia, Alabama. Hell, even look at teams like Miami. Jacorey Harris is a great passer, especially when he can sit in the pocket for 10 seconds to make his decision. The same goes for Florida's and Alabama's running backs. It's the big men that create the output.

Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble this football. - John Heisman
Turnovers, turnovers, turnovers. Rare is the team that wins when you turnover the ball. Was BYU's loss to FSU that impressive? Or was it the fact that they coughed up the ball FIVE times. Was Florida's win over Tennessee really just average, or was it the three Florida turnovers that kept it from being the spanking that everyone expected? Turnovers rule the game. If the other team turns over the ball and you don't, watch out.

One of my favorites is this exchange with John McKay...

Reporter: Coach, how do you feel about your team's execution?
McKay: It's a good idea.
Every once in a while you'll get a coach to blow up after a game. You can always rely on Nick Saban of Alabama to turn a great win into a steady stream of critique's on his team's play.

Football is not a game but a religion, a metaphysical island of fundamental truth in a highly verbalized, disguised society, a throwback of 30,000 generations of anthropological time. - Arnold Mandell
Couldn't have said it better myself.

There are two kinds of people in the world, Notre Dame lovers and Notre Dame haters. And, quite frankly, they're both a pain in the ass. - Dan Devine, former Notre Dame football coach
I love Notre Dame for their rich tradition and history. Almost no other team held as much sway as Notre Dame has in America's football history. That has become tarnished in recent years which a much aligned program, bad coaches, bad players, and unjustified hype. But never deny who they were, and what they mean to the sport of college football.

When it comes to football, God is prejudiced - toward big, fast kids. - Chuck Mills
As previously stated.

I feel like I'm the best, but you're not going to get me to say that. - Jerry Rice
One of the best things to love about college football is the LACK of showmanship. So many players in the NFL are all about them. They carried the team. They're the star. I love it every time I hear a kid interviewed after a game say how it was a team effort, or how well this player did in contributing to the game. Culture and media glorify the individual. The sport revolves around the team-effort.

Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I assure you, it's much more serious than that. - Bill Shankly
College football is all. 'Nuff said.

Do right. Do your best. Treat others as you want to be treated. - Lou Holtz
Joe Paterno. Is. The. Man. The guy has been involved with coaching at Penn State for over SIXTY YEARS. The man was coaching for the Nittany Lions BEFORE THE COLD WAR STARTED. There is no greater coaching legend. There is no greater ambassador for the sport. There is no greater doorway to game's history and legacy, then Joe Paterno. And the man can be summarized in one word: class. He is the epitome of respect. He's earned it. From everyone.

Build up your weaknesses until they become your strong points. - Knute Rockne


The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather in a lack of will. - Vince Lombardi
Case in point: Cody Grimm. The Virginia Tech linebacker does not deserve to be anywhere near a college football field. He's under six feet tall and barely 200 pounds. A relative midget in the world of defensive safeties and linebackers. But the kid has heart. He's the Hokies' version of the modern-day Rudy. The kid will work harder, sacrifice more, and lay his life on the line for the passion he has. There are few better vessels to carry the soul of a fighter than that of the underdog.

If a team is to reach its potential, each player must be willing to subordinate his personal goals to the good of the team. - Bud Wilkinson
It's not about your draft status. It's not about how many receptions you get in a game. It's about what you can do for your team. One of the greatest things about college football is individual sacrifice. When college players start focusing more on individual stats than their team's well-being, college football will die. Just look at the NFL.

Winning isn't everything, but it beats anything that comes in second. - Paul "Bear" Bryant
At the end of the season, there can be only one...

My Educational Philosophy...

Wednesday, September 16, 2009 at 9:18pm

Why Do I Teach?

Parents… Students… Teachers…
Too often we are scared.
Scared of what we might not be able to do.
Scared of what people might think if we tried.
We let our fears stand in the way of our hopes.
We say no when we want to say yes.
We sit quietly when we want to speak up.
And we shout when we should keep silent.
Why?
After all, we only get one chance. One opportunity.
There's really no time in life to be afraid.
We cannot afford that luxury.
So stop. Listen. Act.
Try something you've never dared but have always wanted.
Take a chance. Gamble on hope. Think big. Go outside the box.
My educational philosophy is simple.
Challenge yourself.
Intellectually, academically, physically, philosophically...
In the real word,
there are two kinds of people: those who talk, and those who act.
Walk the walk, forget the talk and learn from your mistakes.
For it is through our failures that we launch to great success.
Follow a leader or lead the followers.
Either way, get moving. Now.
Have a goal, make a plan, and just do it.
Expand your horizons, look beyond what's in front of you. Explore.
Think big and start small.
Don't start what you don't believe in...
But finish what you start.
Always stay the course.
Listen and hear… don't just do one or the other.
Think of your students first, and always be true to the cause.
Walk the Path, and Light the Way.
Share your ideas with every student you meet.
Shake their hand, look them in the eye, and remember it for life.
Remember that…
Wiping your hands clean is a good thing
As long as it isn't with someone else's blood, sweat and tears.
But don't be afraid to dig deep within yourself.
After all,
You have nothing to lose...
Except your fear.
Only everything,
Everything… to gain.

Why do I teach?

Why would I do anything else...

Are You There Darkness?

Sunday, August 23, 2009 at 12:09am

Alone. So quiet. Yet still I can feel it there. Waiting for me. Taunting me with its reach. I know what it wants and I know what I have to do. Refusing to open my eyes, not able to face what I might see, I huddle in on myself and work the moisture in my mouth to ask a simple question:

"Are you there, Darkness?"

Barely audible, the words seem to die out as they leave my lips, their strength fading once given birth. As if in answer to my pitiful query, I feel the surrounding Darkness press in on me.

"Of course you are," I say to myself. "You’re always there. The real question is- are you listening? For your sake I hope so."

I have spent so many days in fear. Jumping at every little sound and keeping all the lights on. Why, you might ask? A fair enough question, if a rather simple and expected one. The answer is just as simple. Because someone made me fear the Darkness. Someone taught me that it held dangers, and monsters, and that evil lurked in its murky shadow. Someone has tried to make me cower. Someone has conjured an illusion of the world through which to corrupt my senses, my instincts. Someone has threatened that which is most precious to me, hope, and I am here to tell you that you will hold no power over me from this moment forward.

"Do you hear me Darkness?" I asked as my voice gained a little intensity. "No more."

I walk the path of peace not only because of my heart’s flow but because I am not equipped to change you on my own, or anyone for that matter. Do you think that will stop me? Do you think because I am weak and my will often bends to my emotions that you can control me? Make me change who I am as you please?

You must, else you wouldn't have tried so often, but no more. You cannot harm me. You cannot touch me. You will never harm me. For mine is the pursuit of something greater. I will not be deterred. I will not be defeated. I will not allow it.

"Do you hear me darkness?! Well?!"

I can stand up for myself. I can stand tall with my held high and though tears may stain my cheeks I will never falter. You can lash out at me with terrible pain and the scars left behind may last the rest of my life but I will hold up the flesh for all to see as a testament to the triumphs of my cause. I will lay bear my heart to the world and shout "Behold! These are the Paths I have walked and the roads I have taken. These are the wounds I have suffered and the trials I have endured. These are my victories and though they have left me scared, terribly scarred, I have gained from their making through my journeys. That is something the Darkness will never have for the Dark cannot bear the Light of a heart shining through with confidence and belief."

So come for me in the night. Try to shred my thoughts with doubt. I can be scared and that gives me power for what scares my mind and scars my body will only make me stronger. Bend me, burn me, blight me, bleed me. But know with the futility of one doomed that in the end you will never break me.

"Do you hear me darkness? I accept you. I take you into the furthest recesses of my mind and the deepest secrets of my heart. For it is from you that I find my Way to the Light. From you I gain the force of an indomitable will."

I am not the child you once beheld. I neither cling to the safety of the Light of others in desperation nor do I fall into that place from whence you came. I am my own well of courageous temperament and will fear you no longer. I have grown to accept all facets of life and the shadow of this world.

"Do you hear me darkness?" Softly. So very softly now. Soft as a silken sheet sliding across bare steel. "Do you hear me darkness?" I say it for the last time, and my eyes reflect the fires of my heart as endless pools of light. "You are nothing to me. Be gone."

------------------------------

There is a world that exists beyond what the naked eye can see. Too often we find ourselves relying on our sense of sight as our sole means of perception. I have always thought that the sense of touch was misperceived. We limit our understanding of touch to the physical sensation produced by contact with our skin, yet in my opinion it is so much more. Rather then a sense of touch, I consider it to be a sense of feel. Something that goes beyond the mere physical to include our ability to feel that sensation. Just as a particular sound or smell, for example, can illicit a specific response based on more that just the sound or smell by itself, so it is with the sense of touch, or feel.

In many ways, I consider empathy to be a very present characteristic in humans. As with any other trait, its presence and strength, or lack thereof, varies from person to person. Yet there are people who can literally feel how another person is feeling, and they can establish a bond with the people they interact with. At least, that is what I believe. I also believe that our existence is defined by perceived belief. Something can either be true or false based on whether or not we choose to believe in it, and how strongly we hold that belief. It's as if the world were refracted six billion different ways, each unique to the beholder. What one person sees as a solid truth may be an ephemeral veil of transparency to someone else.

If this is the true, as I believe it to be, then belief becomes one of the defining characteristics of our world as we choose to perceive it. My point, if I have been able to successfully convey it, is that the Darkness as I wrote it above represents the doubt, worry, fears and distractions ever-present in our daily lives. We are the child who is addressing both themself and the surrounding Darkness. The Light, is the clarity of purpose and the determination of will that comes through belief. So when you find yourself staring into the dark abyss, fear not, but embrace the Light through belief. You know it is there, even though you cannot see it. You know it is there, simply because you believe it to be.

The Ramblings of a Man in the Dark...

Wednesday, August 12, 2009 at 1:12am

...waiting for the simple beauty of a meteorite shower. Just a man alone with his thoughts in the darkness. Scary when that man is me. Here goes...

So often we search for meaning and purpose in our lives without realizing the truly simple notion that it has no meaning. There is no purpose. By any conceptualization of the term we fail to understand that less is more. Don't search for meaning and purpose in some vision of the future. Grasp it in the here and now. There is no other time. Anything worth having in life should never come too easily. It is the dim haze of mystery that adds enchantment to pursuit. Life throws problems at us on purpose to make us value that which we have and earn through our efforts. Fear, then, truly is the mindkiller as Frank Herbert once wrote.

Fear casts the shadow of doubt in our minds which in turn cloud our hearts. Our own hearts, that which is most beloved of our inner desires and emotions, begin to counsel us against taking action because they cannot bear the pain of hurt and suffering that accompanies any loss we find. Weakened in our resolve, and led astray by our own emotions, we choose to close ourselves off from change and embrace the status quo. We're afraid to rock the boat, so we sit in the middle of the lake without moving. Shakespeare summed it up nicely when he said that of all the wonders he had ever known, he could not understand how people could fear death knowing that it is inevitable and must come at some point in our lives.

Oh, every once in a while we'll cast a longing gaze to the far shore, and dream a dream of time gone by. A time when hope was high and life worth living, a dream of love that never dies. No better way to phrase that which Victor Hugo wrote in Les Miserables. Yet though we'll dream a dream so sweet, we choose not to stir our hands or feet. We scoff that dreams are like little toys, fit only for the minds of girls and boys. We lay back in our little boat, and watch bitterly as hope can't float. Until one day we wake to see, no longer is what once could be. So different now from what it seemed; life has killed that dream we dreamed.

My addition to Hugo's lyrics were not meant to be in rhyme, but for some strange reason I've found myself drifting more and more towards its usage. Regardless, I feel it conveys my point. We fear to hope, because hope can lead to disappointment. Our fears pollute our instincts and natural intuition, that which some people call impulse or gut-feeling. You will never know yourself until you face the truth. For everything there is a purpose, and life has a way of conspiring to give us signs that we have the choice to acknowledge or ignore. Even the misgivings of our hearts serve a purpose. They work to protect us, but sometimes in order to gain everything that life has to offer we must be willing to sacrifice everything. To live, is to risk.

We must therefore learn not fear vulnerability but rather to embrace it. Cast off fear and doubt, and accept life for what it is. Duality. Paradox. The equal possibilities of suffering and joy in every moment, every choice, of our lives. Just as we can shield ourselves from pain by refusing to go after what we want, we can arm ourselves with what we need to get it. Knowledge. Learn from what life has to teach. In every breath and every moment there is new experience to be gained and no textbook, no sermon, and no teacher can replace one of the most precious gifts we have in life. Learning through experience. Faith. Believe in the possibility of achieving your dreams. Believe that, even in failure you are a stronger person and are enriched in your life because of it. Believe, above all else, and before anyone else, in your self. There is no force greater in this life than believing in one's self beyond all measures of doubt.

So now comes the time of choosing. By now you've given thought to a dream or three and without fail there has been an attempt by your mind to dispel it. Often we create such potent defense mechanisms that we don't even recognize them for what they are. Have you ever had a stream of thought just disappear in your mind? Or choked back a reply to a question you were asked? I have always been intrigued by the unspoken language. There is so much to be heard in what is not said. If you could only learn to feel what is constantly surrounding us, your perception would discover an entirely different means of communication.

Well now let us say you have pushed beyond fear of the mind. You have a firm grasp of what it is you want and you are not swayed by frivelous questions of when and how. Well done! Yet all of a sudden we will feel a hollow emptiness within our chests. We've pushed past the fear in our minds only to stumble headlong into the fear of our hearts as I have already discussed. Once you can master yourself and control your fear, you are only one simple step away from living your dream. You have to take a simple step. Literally or metaphorically, you must take the initiative and begin the journey. Do not worry about the difficulties. Take a stand, take a breath, and take a step. You'll get there.

And so I lay beneath the stars watching the mystery and beauty of the universe unfold above me I choose to leave you with a few words of wisdom from men far more knowledgable (and quotable) than I. As ever, I hope that these words find you well, and more than anything else, find you questioning that which you have come to accept. To the future.

"Worship the gods if you wish, but first, know thyself." - Socrates

"Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow. It only saps today of its strength." - A.J. Cronin

"Seek and you will find, knock and it shall be opened, ask and it shall be given to you." - Jesus Christ of Nazareth

"If you don't ask, you don't get." - Mahatma Ghandi

"Thousands of candles can be lighted by one candle and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared." - Siddhartha Gautama, The Budha

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." Eleanor Roosevelt

"The greatest man is he who chooses right with invincible determination." Seneca the Roman

"Between living and dreaming there lies a choice." - Marcos Redondo (*cough*. and yes I always have some of my favorite quotes handy)

The Loneliness of the Long-Distance Runner

Saturday, August 1, 2009 at 1:20am

"One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter." - James Earl Jones

I remember a day sitting outside beneath a porch watching as the rain poured down over the beautiful green countryside. As if from a veiled mist a silhouette appeared along the horizon. Traveling along a worn path wearing shorts and a sweater the shape began to take form. It was a runner. I remember putting down my book to watch as they passed by rhythmically running, as it seemed, in step with the fall of the rain. Captivated by the scene as it unfolded before me I tried to make sense of the myriad of thoughts and emotions that played across my mind. In a matter of moments that seemed to last much longer the runner was gone. A momentary vision quickly lost to my sight as they were embraced by the falling rain like a shroud. As I returned my attention to the present moment from my reverie I found myself trying to make sense of what I had just witnessed. Out of the confusion of my mind a single phrase made itself clear to my conscious mind as I took my pen and scrawled it along the inside cover of the book I had been reading. When finished, I looked down to reflect upon the only words I could use to describe what I had witnessed: The loneliness of the long-distance runner. I didn't know who the runner was, didn't know where they were from or where they were going. I just remember feeling a profound sense of longing as if a part of me had left with the runner. Or, maybe it was just that I longed to be the runner. This all occurred long before running instilled itself into the very depths of my soul, but I've recently begun to think about them once more. A wraith in the mist. A figure of solitude, carrying a solidarity of purpose like a banner across the sky. So ominous, the individual with their relentless sense of purpose. So alone, with no one and nothing but themselves. So alone...



"The woods are lovely dark and deep, but I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep." - Robert Frost

Far away is the land of rest,
For the lonely one who runs.
Endless miles that you must test,
Neath the passing of the suns.

Wasted now this traveler,
Whose wearied woes wear on
Darkness threatens purpose sure,
Yet still they run towards dawn.

Running through the emptiness,
Running through the day.
Running through the dewy mists,
Running for the Way.

Often they look up to the heavenly sky,
Often they looks down to the dreary road.
Often they wish to lay down and die,
Often they wish to surrender life's load.

Though the faint may not uptake the part,
Yet still they stare in wonder.
It remains for those who have the heart,
To shake the world with thunder.

The loneliness of one who runs,
A soul bereft of hearth and home.
Nay, these are gifted lucky ones,
Their chosen destiny to roam.

So if you ever feel so deeply pained,
By one who seems to wander.
Be comforted in knowledge gained,
They live to travel yonder.

Do not despair or lose control,
Wear hope upon your chest.
Know that you will reach the goal,
And win the final land of rest.

"I want to know the thoughts of God. All the rest are details." - Albert Einstein

I am an overly passionate person. I tear up in movies. A lot of them. I'm deeply moved by seemingly insignificant displays of nature. Like koalas sleeping on a tree. Yet nothing in my life has compared to the sights I have witnessed while searching the road on my lonely, long-distance runs. I stood on the apex of a bridge after hours of running following an all-night adventure. Standing there, watching the sun rise, I knew joy in my heart. Spontaneously climbing the summit of a mountain after spending the afternoon trekking the trails I gazed across the open sky, and felt serenity flow through my consciousness. Wandering through city streets in a foreign world and marveling at some of man's most beautiful architectural achievements, I stood alone in a sea of humanity, and felt kinship with the universe. Battered and broken by the road I set out to conquer, I stood beneath the starry sky not knowing where I was, and felt beauty's caress stream down my face. All the roads I've traveled, and all the paths I will. The loneliness of the long-distance runner may be a part of who I am, but I will never have to ponder the thoughts of God on my journey. Never alone.

"The difference between great people and everyone else is that great people create their lives actively, while everyone else is created by their lives, passively waiting to see where life takes them next. The difference between the two is the difference between living fully and just existing."
- Michael E. Gerber

I've got the bit between my teeth now, as the saying goes, and I might as well continue. I remember once reading a poem that said running a mile would give you a smile. Well despite the pain and fatigue that the miles may bring, there is nothing quite as satisfying as seizing life and challenging yourself to some new feat whether it is some no-name dirt path or the famous streets of a world-class race. Either way, you can feel brave within your heart when you push off from the start. You can live decisively with your feet as you run across the street. You can know certainty within your soul, when you finally end and reach the goal. The start, the finish and the steps in between are many experiences as plain can be seen. Yet singly thought of they come up as one, the race of your life is never quite done. It's not about winning, it's not about wealth. It's not about glory, or even your health. So why do we do all this running we do, I know the answer's within me, the rest's up to you.

"I always loved running...it was something you could do by yourself, and under your own power. You could go in any direction, fast or slow as you wanted, fighting the wind if you felt like it, seeking out new sights just on the strength of your feet and the courage of your lungs." - Jesse Owens

What more can I say? I ran as a young child, barely off my mother's apron strings. I couldn't even jog as a youth. I learned to run at the end of high school, and lost it periodically throughout college. Now my sights are set beyond the heavens. Yet ever since I was a little boy I loved it. There is nothing between me and running. It is the single most pure and simultaneously most purifying aspect of my life. Wherever I am, wherever my travels take me and wherever the weave of my life leads me to, I will always have that dear and comforting presence to carry with me. The roads I travel on may indeed be lonely ones, but in many ways I have been alone for nearly my entire life. Perhaps that explains in some ways my strong connection with running. I've never had to feel alone, even if I was.

"Now bid me run, and I will strive with things impossible." - Shakespeare, Julius Caesar

I have stumbled and I have fallen. I have faltered and I have strayed. Yet each time I have found my way back. The closer one is to the light, the darker their shadow becomes. Such a great paradox for the attaining of one's life goals. And though I may not be that strength which in yesteryear moved heaven and earth, that which I am, I am. One tempered soul of heroic heart, made weak by time and fate, but strong in will. To strive, to seek, to find...and not to yield. My adaptation of the end to Lord Tennyson's Ulysses is perfect for where I am now. I will achieve what no one has ever done before. For no other reason because it is believed impossible.

"We run, not because we think it is doing us good, but because we enjoy it and cannot help ourselves...The more restricted our society and work become, the more necessary it will be to find some outlet for this craving for freedom. No one can say, 'You must not run faster than this, or hump higher than that.' The human spirit is indomitable." - Sir Roger Bannister

The reasons why...

"I run because long after my footprints fade away, maybe I will have inspired a few to reject the easy path, hit the trails, put one foot in front of the other, and come to the same conclusion I did: I run because it always takes me where I want to go." - Dean Karnazes

Warrior of Light

Friday, June 19, 2009 at 10:41pm

The past week has shown me another world beyond that which I have known. A new adventure, with a culture and language unlike any I had previously encountered. Beyond that, though, was a strange sensation that I have rarely experienced but have learned not to ignore. It`s almost as if there were something important lying just beyond the edges of my peripheral vision, or a thought that exists in me but I cannot grasp it within my mind. Glimpsed only in moments of epiphany and revelation, they illuminate the Darkness.

I had a dream where I was surrounded by total Darkness. Unable to see myself in the depths of a total abyss, I was alone. Lost and afraid, I cast about aimlessly in search of something, anything, to help me escape. Finally, after what seemed to be an eternity, I discovered the Other. When surrounded by complete Darkness anything that cast a light would have to be called brilliant. Seemingly far in the distance, I made my way toward this bright light. Shining like a white star, I staggered toward the pale glow as if grasping for salvation itself. The nearer I came toward the light, however, the more I found myself in doubt. Bathed in this glorious light, I found myself...cold. I was surrounded by light, and yet felt no better than when I had been surrounded by darkness.

Sinking into the depths of Despair once more, I found myself anguishing in the pain of utter emptiness. Yet, deep within the Void of nothingness, I found yet Another. So deep within myself that there seemed no distinction between that and the Darkness, was a small flame. Unlike the pale, brilliant light that I had seen from afar, this was a small and pitiful thing. Casting a harsh illumination against the black of Night, Shadows surrounded the fire. Yet even from a distance, I could feel the warmth that lapped against my skin like the softest brush of fingertips across flesh. Folding in upon myself, I realized that this flame was not just located within me; it was me. Sparked by a single emotion, I began to feed all of myself to this single flame. All of my despair, the anguish I had felt, everything. Not only did I find myself closer to the flame, but it began to feed off of my emotions, fighting back the Darkness. Unshed tears began to stream down my face, until even they were burned away by the flame. Within me and before me was a flame so hot that it seared skin and boiled blood, yet still I embraced it. With the pain came a cleansing fire that purged me of everything I had known in the Darkness. Standing within the roiling flames, they licked at the Shadows and fought back the Darkness until I stood within the center of an inferno.

The pale light still called to me from afar, but I no longer heeded its deceiving call. A cold, pallid light that left emptiness inside was a pale imitation of this life-giving fire. And so I stood alone, an orb of encased heat and light standing sentinel. A bulwark against the Darkness, and a beacon of warmth in the cold emptiness of Night.

Now, I didn`t really have a dream exactly like that, but I did have a dream that I built upon into the recreation I have depicted above.

------------------------------------------------

There is some comfort in the emptiness of nothing; no past, no future.

So I call upon you to be the fire which resolutely stands before the Darkness,
Which won't be diverted from its purpose, no matter how difficult the path may be.
A flame that does not falter, nor does it fear the endless Night.
For even if it takes years, the flame will not falter.

And if your will sleeps I call upon you to wake it again,
Because inside of everyone of us is a Warrior.
Whose courage is like a sword,
And whose biggest weapon lies within our own heart.

So let us stand together now,
Rise and find each other now,
To all the warriors of light
To all our enemies we fight.
Wherver you may be this day,
You're wanted here,
So come and say:
To all the warriors of light
Standing true and shining bright,
This goes to all the warriors of light.

Do not fear your weaknesses,
But turn them into your strength.
Never fear to admit your mistakes
Be deliberate in your spoken word,
And free from worry and doubt.

Don't let yourself be led astray,
Don't let yourself be stunned dazed.
Learn to forgive and learn to forget
Learn to serve, and serve to learn.

So let us stand together now,
Rise and find each other now,
To all the warriors of light
To all our enemies we fight.
Wherver you may be this day,
You're wanted here,
So come and say:
To all the warriors of light
Standing true and shining bright,
This goes to all the warriors of light.

And though the world will impose its limits
We will rise above them; go beyond them.
Our power is our faith; the unwavering belief in the impossible.
Fight for nothing, and for everyone,
This, is why we are warriors.

---------------------------------------------

Every Warrior of the Light has felt afraid of going into battle.

Every Warrior of the Light has, at some time in the past, lied or betrayed someone.

Every Warrior of the Light has trodden a path that was not theirs.

Every Warrior of the Light has suffered for the most trivial of reasons. Every Warrior of the Light has, at least once, lost faith in themself.

Every Warrior of the Light has failed in their duties.

Every Warrior of the Light has said 'yes' when they wanted to say 'no.'

Every Warrior of the Light has hurt someone they loved.

That is why they are a Warrior of the Light, because they have been through all this and yet have never lost hope of being better than they are.

A warrior of light knows that they will hear an order in the silence of their heart which will guide them.


With regards to a person`s destiny, I believe we do what we can, until our destiny is revealed to us.




Enjoy...more to come later. Aragato daimasu!

Orange Blossoms...

Tuesday, May 12, 2009 at 12:18am

(Originally started on October 13, 2008)

Dark clouds swirled overhead as storm winds cut through the city, which fit his mood like the dark forest-green gloves fitted snugly over clenched fists . Before the sun would set on this lightless day the Companions would be mustered outside the city walls and ready to march. For how long was a question few were willing to consider, and none within earshot of the Lord Captain.

Kaitze sighed. Had it really been three years since the Lord Captain had taken him into service? A boy whose highest ambitions rested upon cutting enough purses and fulfilling enough contracts to gain some measure of comfort in a nameless backwater town? So much had passed in that time. So many changes. Kaitze looked at the man who had brought him so far. A nobleman by birth, which normally would have sent Kaitze running in the opposite direction, but Graidon was different. A man who fought a tireless battle every waking second. Where other men would bow to the strain or retreat in the face of overwhelming odds, Graidon would stand fast alone surrounded by utter Darkness. Come to think of it, he already had.

Suppressing a rueful smirk, Kaitze stood as he realized that Graidon was striding for the door. When Graidon had first entered the antechamber Kaitze had not noticed the changes, but as he paused in front of the door a number of startling revelations made themselves apparent. The fact that he was wearing full plate armor and his sword did not surprise Kaitze at all. Not anymore; not after recent events. What did give him pause was that his Lord Captain, the man he looked up to and admired, no longer wore the colors of the Imperial House. Instead of the gold and green Kaitze had become so accustomed to was a rich blend of blue and white flowing down the back of a full-length cloak. Blue-steel greaves and vambraces reflected a pale light that illuminated the room in a eerie glow. Kaitze was already so astonished that he surprised himself again by nearly gasping when he noticed the emblem on the Lord Captain's chassis. There in the center of his breastplate, plain for all to see, were two symbols that could easily start a blaze that could engulf the entire City: three blue snowflakes strewn overhead a leaping white hare. The Winter Army The name sent a shiver down Kaitze's spine and froze the breath in his throat.

If his reactions were only half as visible to Graidon as Kaitze thought they were, he showed no sign of them. "Kaitze," Graidon's voice was as hard as ice and as yielding as a winter storm. "I need you to do something for me."

"My Lord?" Kaitze could feel himself tensing in the shoulders; wishing he understood what all of this meant. It seemed that events were spinning out of control far too quickly for any thought to be had.

"Find Ingwold. Tell him to ready the men and form the legion. Outside the Gate of Twilight. Set camp for the night five miles east along the North Road. I'll rejoin you there before full-night."

Kaitze's confusion continued to grow. None of this made sense. "My Lord, I hear and obey, but if I may ask, where will you be?"

"I must say goodbye Kaitze. I must see her one last time."

Confusion turned to alarm as suspicions were confirmed and pieces began to fit together like one of Ingwold's Shadow-cursed puzzles. "Lord Captain, you know the King's Decree. No one may set foot on Palace grounds without first receiving his permission. In person. I'm not asking you to change your mind, but please at least let me go with you!"

The winter-hard gaze softened with a warm smile Kaitze had not seen in what seemed like an eternity. "No Kaitze. I go alone. I need to see her for myself. By myself."

"But what if the City Patrol, or the Royal Guard see you? I'm sure they've heard the news by now and they may try to stop you."

Graidon turned to face his student and friend, and Kaitze took a step back involuntarily. "I hope that they try, Kaitze. I very much hope that they try." With those words, he left.

As cold as the winter that forged him, and as pitiless. Kaitze released the breath he had not realized he was holding. As if his brief pause had taken an hour instead of mere moments, Kaitze gathered his things from the room before quickly closing the door to the Lord Captain's chambers for what would almost certainly be the last time. Now there's a sad thought. And I was just finally getting used to walking around these halls with a sense of permanence. Everything changes. That last thought had been in a voice other than his own. Sadness atop of sadness.

Hurrying to find Ingwold in the Companion's barracks, Kaitze changed his mind about the Lord Captain's armor. In all their time together Graidon had always been a man of compassion and mirth. Stern at times, even fiery when in battle, but never cold. Kaitze had never seen his eyes burn with such intensity before.They won't even have time to notice his armor.

As Kaitze made his way into the Barracks the storm broke overhead. There was a storm coming, and its fury would shake the foundations of the entire kingdom.

---

Graidon left Kaitze in the chamber and allowed his thoughts to drift while navigating the broad corridors. Gold-encased lighting and richly woven tapestries passed on either side as unnoticed as the patterned marble underfoot. Kaitze was a good man, and an irreplaceable companion in more ways than one. Graidon put his old friend from his mind as he exited the building and tread along the paved boulevard toward the Royal Garden; to say farewell, and to offer his last Oath.

Graidon could see the sun's dull light fade as it fell beneath the hills in the west. Most people were already outside of the Imperial Sector heading toward home or were holed up in taverns drinking, gambling, dancing and otherwise forgetting the troubles of the day. Pausing for a moment at an inn called the Emerald Twins, Graidon took in the sound of merriment and music. A three-storied building, the blonde-haired woman with bright green eyes painted on the hanging sign explained the name of the inn just as the sounds drifting from the windows betrayed its clientele. A place for young nobles and off-duty officers, the Emerald Twins offered any number of distractions depending on the amount of gold changing hands. With enough gold, the distractions could be very lavish indeed. With a rueful shake of his head, Graidon moved on. Everything he knew of the place came from Kaitze. His knowledge of such places seemed limitless at times.

Returning his attention to the immediate surroundings, Graidon noticed a squad of patrolmen making their way down the road to check that everything was in order in this part of the city. Without breaking stride, Graidon circumvented the patrol by casually striding into a side-alley. It would not bode well should he be noticed and confronted by the City Watch so near to the Palace. Graidon was in no mood to answer questions, but fighting his way through the city would not serve his purpose one whit. Nearing his destination, and safe from curious eyes, Graidon slowed his pace. Winding his way through the narrow walkway was a matter of routine for Graidon. So many years spent protecting these streets and those who walked them. Before he realized it Graidon had reached the entrance. There, across the cobblestone street stood the gates to the Royal cemetery.

Located near the border to the Great Forest that spread for miles all around the southern portion of the city, the cemetery was a small piece of acreage meticulously tended to and maintained by palace servants. Several clustered groves marked the different lineages that the royal family had descended from. Graidon had never been allowed to walk its hallowed ground when he was a young boy of course, but that had not stopped him back then. He had went in search of adventure and returned with more than he ever would have imagined. Barely...

Climbing the wall would be impossible with its smooth, marbled surface. Even if he grew an inch a minute he would still need...well, he wasn't quite sure how many minutes it would take to get tall enough to make the jump. Looking to his left, he laughed when he saw the solution...

No. Graidon slammed the door to that memory. Harshly. Its brief recollection stirred powerful emotions. There would be time for memories later. Reflection would have to bide its time. Drawing a ragged breath made him aware of just how long he had be staring at the entrance.

He had not been allowed within the royal cemetery then, and he most certainly was not allowed inside now. With firm resolve, Graidon made his way to the entrance. Just as it was when he was a child a solid lock was built into the finely-crafted gates. Lacking Kaitze's patience or skill with subtleties, Graidon focused a small thread of his Strength into the joint at his fist and crushed the lock. Pushing his way in,the gates gave way grudgingly, screeching in protest on hinges no longer properly aligned. Moving quickly, Graidon made his way inside. The gates were patrolled, and his time was limited.

The path that led to the different grove-stands was straight and lined with rows of white rose bushes.
Taking the first fork to the right Graidon walked to where he knew she would be. As the trail gave way to the cluster of trees Graidon felt a sad smile alter his frozen face. Orange blossoms. Memory stirred again, of a young woman singing beneath orange blossom trees, and laughter. A time long passed. It seemed ages ago, and yet the memory was as strong and clear as if he was reliving the previous day.

Standing beneath the trees, Graidon breathed in the smell of the trees and hoping to stay in the moment longer, but his time was short. Too precious to spend on a memory.

Walking slowly into the center of the grove, a single Sentinel stood silent vigil over the marked grave. Frozen in its duty, the statue would watch over the spirit and ward against any who would try to defile this consecrated ground. Beautifully carved in detail, Graidon paid it less heed than the wind buffeting his cloak. His eyes were locked onto the marker of a tomb. Hertomb.

As if the weariness and strain of the past months had just made themselves known, Graidon sank to a knee and slowly touched his head to the stone. There he stayed, as if becoming part of the serenity that surrounded the grove. Inside, his thoughts swirled with the tumult of a tempest wind.

I...I am lost without you.Graidon had never before believed in the spirits the Brotherhood so often preached of, but she had. She had believed, and had kindled a spark within him that now was gone. Yet she had believed, and so he reached out in desperate hope. I failed you. That first night I promised I would see you home. I swore on the light of my soul that I would protect you. I could not be there. I could not...From the depths of despair rose a swelling anger tinged with a blind rage that searched for an outlet. Graidon fought a war within himself to contain the fury that would shatter the peace of Elloren's resting place.

Suddenly, the aura of Graidon's Iscu surrounded him like a blazing star. Consumed by the cold-void that seemed an abyss within his very soul, he scoured the emptiness with fire. Trembling with the force of it, Graidon's voice rattled as a whisper from his lips that reverberated through his skull with mind-shattering force. Strength to succor. Power to protect. Life for light. Defend 'til death. Shaking with the effort of invoking such a powerful Oath, Graidon stumbled to his feet. Laying a hand on Elloren's tomb, he envisioned her face one last time. My soul is forfeit,atemorenus,and I shall know no rest this side of death. Watch over me, and we shall meet again in the Realm of Light, where no Shadows fall. Just as you told me long ago. Goodbye, my light, and my life. Goodbye.

Walking down the path toward the entrance, Graidon felt a sense of peace within himself. His grief would forever consume him, and the world had lost its luster, but now he had a purpose. A conviction so firm that it would light his path and guide his hand in the days to come. He would hold his Oath no matter the cost. No matter what forces arraigned against him. He would see it done.

Feeling a shift in the breeze, Graidon suddenly spun away from a presence he sensed more than felt. The faint trace of another Iscu had just appeared from behind him in the opposite direction of the only entrance to the cemetery. From where he had just descended. Reaching for his sword, Graidon prepared his Defense...

...and stopped dead. Letting his sword-hand drop from the hilt, his wide eyes could not have expressed more surprise. There, standing beneath beside the path with the grove of orange blossom trees in the background was the last face he ever thought to see.

"It's not possible..."