The Why...

Originally written on Monday, September 3, 2007 at 12:24am

It's amazing how much a person can change over such a relatively short time. It's really hard...because my ex-fiancee knew how I used to be, but doesn't really know how much I've changed. My mother knows how I am now, but never really knew how I acted on a day-to-day basis while I was gone in Gainesville. So no one has really been able to see the transition and compare it.

It's funny though, because on a daily basis...without fail, my life is commented on and judged by my family, friends, coworkers and students. It doesn't bother me. If anything it shows me that I have touched their own lives in some way, which to me is always a positive. Nonetheless, I feel like expressing my thoughts on the matter, and these notes have been the best method for that these past eight months.

So I wake up every weekday at 4:30 in the morning and jog for two miles. After I teach from 7:25-2:30 I coach from 3:00-5:00. From 5:00-7:00 I coach again at Tropical Park. From about 7:30-9:30 I bike or swim. I usually spend the next hour eating, answering e-mails and talking to students. I usually get to sleep around 10:30 on weeknights, and wake up again the next morning at 4:30 to repeat the process. And I love every minute of it.

I get to work wide awake while others are sleep-walking until they get their morning coffee. Mind you, I'm not judging...if anything, I'm envious of anyone who can be married, raise children, coach and meet the demands of being a teacher all at the same time. I feel lucky in a sense that I don't have those responsibilities yet and am able to live my life according to my own whims and schedule.

So...back to the point. On a daily basis I am cautioned on pushing myself too hard, training too much, taking on too many responsibilities, becoming consumed by my work, etc. The big question is always...why? "Why wake up so early, why train so much, why sacrifice your free time, why don't you give your body a break?" The questions are innumerable. So why is the answer always portrayed as monolithic and universal?

I'm still not quite sure why the questions I am asked are always accompanied by an answer from the person who does the asking. "Well, he's just compensating. It's obvious that he's not over his last relationship. He needs more friends, he doesn't have anyone to spend time with. You're spending too much time focusing on the job, you need to remember to save some time for yourself. You do too much." Or my personal favorite..."you're crazy. Just plain dumb-as-a-brick crazy".

So, more and more I've been thinking to myself about these things and finally decided I would post something. These notes have always been my personal expressions and thoughts. The fact that I post them for my friends to see is not a cry for attention, sympathy, congratulations or anything else that might comment a response. They are just my thoughts or experiences. That being said, I still enjoy all comments and criticisms. Any communication is always better than no communication.

The why...

I work my butt off at school because I love my job. I like what I'm teaching, I like the students that I'm teaching, the faculty I work with, the school I'm teaching at...everything. I was given such a rare opportunity, and I want to make sure I dedicate myself to being good at what I do.

I coach because without Cross Country I would not be the man I am today. Just running. I owe so much to running that I can never truly repay the debt in full. My senior year of XC at Coral Gables was such a memorable and character defining experience of my life that I can only hope that in coaching I can somehow impart my passion and experiences upon them. This is especially true of those individuals I see bringing their passion to the field, the track, or wherever else we may be running.

I train for me. I train so that I can become a better man than I was the day before. I train so that I can compete. I train because I want to win. I train because it's fun. I train because I love it. I train because it serves as a daily offering of thanks for the blessings of a sound and fit body. I train in honor of those who are less fortunate than me and cannot do what I do.

I read stories about, hear of, or see people that have suffered from some physical or mental injury, disease, accident, sheer bad luck, whatever the case may be. And every time...every time, without fail, I think of how lucky I am. So when it's 4:30 in the morning and I'd rather be sleeping, when it's 9:00 at night on a school night and I'm tired or cramping from a long day's work...When it's noon on a weekend and I'm running mile 16 in the sun and dehydrated...When it's 9 in the morning on a Sunday and I realize I'm only half way done, and have another 50 miles left on my bike...I force myself to roll out of bed, I make myself swim those extra laps, I grit my teeth and run through the pain, I pick myself up off the floor, dust off my hands and pick up my pace...because everything I have ever endured in my life is a small pittance compared to what some people have to live with on a daily basis. The pain I feel is nothing compared to the pain others have in their lives.

So by all means, comment, critique, judge, attempt to persuade, admire, scold...do what you will. But don't presume. Because the why...is something you will never understand.






That...and I'm an endorphin junky. ;)